Are you a “All or nothing” kind of person?

Someone would probably call you a “Black or White”, or, as a psychologist would say, a “dichotomous” person. What you do is essentially taking a specific event and turn it into a global generalization.

One day you think your marriage was made in heaven. The next you want to call a divorce lawyer. You start the week loving your job because you gave a successful presentation. On Friday, you’re debating whether to resign because you had an argument with your boss.

How does that make you feel? If you’re feeling depressed or anxious, it may be a matter of how you look at the world. All-or-nothing thinking can make you feel like a victim of circumstances and cause emotional swings.

You might believe that this way of thinking is a part of you, who you are and therefore you cannot change it.

Learning to replace drastic, extreme thoughts with more realistic assessments will help you to deal with setbacks and feel more hopeful about the future.

When all or nothing thinking becomes chronic, it can really impact your life. However, there are simple actions you can take each day to gradually achieve more moderation:

1. Change your vocabulary.

Speaking in unconditional terms reinforces all-or-nothing thinking. Try replacing words like always and everyone with descriptions that are closer to the facts.

2. Take an inventory.

Give yourself more credit if a single setback is blinding you to your overall track record. Remember the many things you have already accomplished.

3. Set realistic expectations.

Create goals you can achieve instead of trying to be a superhero. Consider your abilities and resources.

4. Celebrate small victories.

Take satisfaction in making progress. Cleaning out one closet is a step closer to putting your house in order.

5. Narrow your focus.

Try changing your perspective about one area in your life,
and the rest will probably follow. You might want to concentrate on your
relationships or your health.

6. Express your thought out loud.

If you suspect you’re exaggerating, tell your story to somebody, ask friends and family for feedback. They may be able to see things more clearly than you do.

What else can you do, you ask?

Well, it’s easy to get stuck when you engage in black or white thinking. You may need
to take additional steps if you feel trapped in a cycle you want to break.
Follow these strategies for additional steps:

1.See things through. Do you abandon projects unless they deliver the exact results you were seeking? You’ll be happier and more productive if you can train yourself to be flexible and tolerate frustration. Try to identify the successful elements of any operation and learn from experience.

2.Take risks. All-or-nothing thinking saps your motivation when you believe that your efforts would be futile. Surprise yourself by seizing more opportunities and watching some of them pay off.

3.Meditate. If your way of thinking has been holding you back, you may need to contemplate how you see yourself and others. Figure out your personal priorities and values.

4.Make specific plans. To build a brighter future, you need a plan to follow. Once
you have a list of positive changes you want to make, identify the obstacles
you’ll face and what you’ll do to overcome them.

5.Seek counseling. All-or-nothing thinking can sometimes be traced back to
childhood events, so you may need help to sort out the past and move on. Ask
your physician for a referral or check your local psychological association for
therapists who specialize in cognitive distortions.

When you recognize that most events and creatures including yourself are a mixture
of positive and negative qualities, you’ll be able to make more rational decisions. Free
yourself from all-or-nothing thinking so you can enjoy more happiness and success.